But this was different. In a related post, she noted that her nephew had been diagnosed. He hasn’t but it is an easy slip up. Most anyone who has taken the time to really know my baby (baby- 9 years old, five foot tall and over a hundred pounds of muscle) has been suspicious for some time. The hand wringing, the hiding under chairs and behind thing when people scare him, the repetition of things where he is comfortable or movies where there are outcasts who normal folks learn to relate to with slightly less outcast intermediaries. The months my baby didn’t talk, then learned to practice by laying in the floor and talking with his dog.
We grew to refer to things as a person needing to be on his “list.” If you were on the list, you were spoken to, if not, you were- and will likely still be deemed ignorable. If you are really on the list- you get hugs and smiles- not too many folks make this list. If you do, you are special and rare, on a level of close family. In this way, he is actually a good judge of character. People I might have given more credence to, his behavior shows me to withhold too much trust.
No, my baby hasn’t been diagnosed. The processing issues are listed as “undefined” with slow processing and a 504 plan. I found myself relieved that there would be no dark labels when he went through testing at school last year, as he was graduating from speech therapy. He can usually function, though a bit differently, in the mainstream. And he will need to function in society. I want him to have all the opportunities out there, not to be bound by some dark label from a test or diagnosis.
Is that wrong? I know the school doesn’t test for that label, and my baby lives in the grey fringe of issues where he can function in society as long as we are there with him, being his safe zone in which to learn and explore. They can call him shy all they want. I don’t mean to cast judgment, or to negate any quality that someone is. I also don’t mean to let the shortsightedness of others cut my baby short just because he is different, or lessen the expectations for his amazing capacity for achievement.
So, cruel world, please don’t feel slighted that I withheld that opportunity to cast judgment on my baby before you got to know him. I am not embarrassed or ashamed, but I plan to be the kind of Mama that gives her baby every chance to grow and be everything is willing to work to become. And if you wish do me mean or cruel, well you will have to go through our family- including the animals- to hurt one of our own. And if you are looking to be part of the good, take a minute to give someone special a hug tonight. My baby gives the best.
